


Dear Tony

by Ellana17



Series: All is Fair in Love and War [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 13:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13705728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellana17/pseuds/Ellana17
Summary: One letter a day keeps the sorrow away





	Dear Tony

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve finished reading “Death of the Dream” and I have a lot of feels about Steve writing Tony letters.

Sitting in Steve’s office with a parcel in his hands gave Tony the weirdest sense of déjà-vu. He opened the package slowly, surprised to see what appeared to be a dozen letters fall suddenly on the desk. Each one of them had been carefully folded and placed in separate envelopes, addressed to Tony. No surname. No address. Simply his name. Tony immediately recognized Steve’s handwriting and his heart missed a beat.

Tony soon noticed that one sheet of paper remained unfolded; he picked it up and read it, hoping to get some answers. The handwriting was not Steve’s.

 

Stark,

Steve will probably kill me when he realizes what I did but he gave me no other choice. You know I’m not your biggest fan but I couldn’t stand by and watch my best friend suffer without at least trying to do something about it.

I know you’re probably already thinking about dumping those letters in a fire. Don’t.

If you do, I’ll kick your ass.

Sam Wilson.

 

Tony smiled despite himself. However, his smile faded as soon as he glanced at the letters scattered on the desk. He opened one at random, trying to suppress the nervous tremor of his hands.

 

Tony,

 

Tony groaned and dropped the sheet of paper as if burnt. He took a deep breath and opened another letter, and another, and another, never quite managing to read more than a few words. The man finally realized that all of them had been carefully dated and started to order them by date. He picked up the oldest one, leaned back against the chair and started to read.

 

Tony,

I can’t sleep. This is actually nothing new for me, I’ve had trouble sleeping since I came out of the ice. I guess spending next to seventy years under might do that to a guy. I wouldn’t think too much about it if it weren’t for the nightmares. I used to dream about the crash, about feeling cold and alone in the darkness. I think I’d rather dream about this moment again instead of reliving my most recent mistake over and over.

So I don’t sleep. It’s easier that way. Sam is worried about me. He didn’t say anything directly but I know he is. I should probably talk to him about it, he used to be a counselor after all. Did you know that? I guess I’m scared saying it aloud would make it more real. I don’t know. Writing about it is easier, especially since I know you won’t be getting these letters.

I wish I could hear your voice, even if it was to hear you call me a Capsicle.

Yours,

Steve.

 

Tony grabbed the following letter hastily.

 

Tony,

I can only think about one word to described the mood here: gloomy. I guess I hadn’t realized how much each of us had become dependent on the team for support in times of need.

I’m glad Sam is here with me, but there are other people that I miss. Natasha, for instance. Don’t tell her I said that. Now that I think about it, it’s probably a good thing she’s not here with me. She’d probably try to pair me up with some random people, and it didn’t turn out so well last time.

Anyway, I’m starting to realize how blind I’ve been this whole time. And how stupid. I should have said something when there was still time.

Yours,

Steve.

 

Tony,

The nightmares are getting worse. I took me a few minutes to calm down enough to remember that you were okay, that you were alive and safe at the compound. That I hadn’t killed you.

In my dreams, I see what would have happened if I hadn’t stopped. It feels like watching someone else do it. I’m standing there, watching, and I can’t do anything to prevent it from happening. And I can’t stop before it’s too late.

Maybe it’s true. Maybe I can’t live without a war.

I’m afraid of what I might do to the people I care about.

Yours,

Steve.

 

Tony kept on reading. He felt closer to Steve with each letter, as if he could actually hear the man’s voice next to him. Steve was right of course, too much had been left unsaid between them. Tony felt it was too late to try to salvage what little was left of their friendship.

 

Tony,

I started drawing again. I hadn’t felt much like it these days, you can imagine why. I woke up from another nightmare and I did the only thing that I know I’m actually good at. I started drawing. I didn’t think much of it at first, until I started drawing you. Not the you I see in my dreams every night, bloody on the floor because of me, but the you I remember. Before I fucked up everything between us.

I guess I needed the reminder. I realized it didn’t really matter that I hadn’t seen you in weeks, I could probably draw you with my eyes closed.

Yours,

Steve.

 

Tony,

Wanda wanted to talk about what had happened before she joined the team, about the visions. I tried telling her that the past didn’t really matter anymore but she told me about your biggest fear. It took me a while to process. I just want you to know that you could never disappoint the team. You could never disappoint me. I know you wanted to protect us like I wanted to protect you.

I should tell you this in person. I know that. I’m such an idiot sometimes. If we ever see each other again, there are a few things I need to tell you. I don’t really know how. Knowing you, you’ll probably never believe me anyway.

Yours,

Steve.

 

The End


End file.
